chapter 37

i took the young lass to a bar called ''wild wallabys''...it
was a beautiful day...there was a dog that seemed to control
the joint...l couldnt remember his name...but i was sure
that it was not fuck-eyes.

i know the dogs name wasnt fuck-eyes because he didnt have
eyes that were fucked...that settled it...yet on the other
hand , one cannot help but to compare this to the state of
being human...that is , if a human has fucked eyes , you
really cant call him fuck-eyes , anyway...i mean , most
people have fucked eyes...so whats the point of calling
someone fuck-eyes , when he is really in the majority ;
and therefore his fuck-eyes are not a distinguishing factor.

the heart of a human being is seen through the eyes , i
believe...all the purity , kindness...and in most cases
, the pure , unadulterated witchcraft .

i once noticed how a man moved his hand...it was a very
distinct way...to me it meant that he committed adultery...i
was right...our heart thrusts itself through everything
that we are...thank the lord that virtually the entire frigging
human race is so caught up in itself that they couldnt see
all this if the lord himself came down from heaven and wrote
it on their TV. screen...people are just too self indulged
to see life on virtually any level.

people give themselves away , in terms of who they really
are , every second of the day...yet all others are so caught
up in saving themselves from being exposed that they cannot
see the truth that is so obvious before them...thank christ...they
would only use it for their own benefit...healing the world
is only what people desire to talk about...the truth of
the matter is that most have a very distinct agenda...(how
i hate that word)...and love at best is second to the fulfillment
of that declaration.

the girl brought her boyfriend...i let my ideas go immediately...we
sat and drank our booze...then it was time to go home and
drink our booze...on our way i bought and drank some booze.

Posted by Flarmology.com

chapter 38

the owner of the place that i was the guest of... was a deeply
spiritual man who was open to strange possibilities that
are considered , for the most part , bizarre and impossible...and
as he talked about such matters i became increasingly eager
to demonstrate the simplicity of the supernatural.

i was taken on a tour throughout the lodge...and in every
room that i entered i disclosed the personalities of those
who had lived there a long time ago...the proprietor , knowing
full well the history of the place , confirmed my intuitions...not
that i had any real doubt about what i was revealing .

i find it even easier to do such things when i have been
drinking...when i am totally relaxed and beyond censoring
myself out of fear or intimidation...when my conscious is
very secondary to my subconscious.

the truth of the matter is that time is a relative concept...it
doesnt really exist except for the reason of giving us a
point of reference for where we are at a particular space
in the history of an inferior dimension...and , therefore
, it is somewhat easy to tap into what has previously happened
at a particular spot , especially if the incident had been
profound enough to leave its essence , or energy , circulating
in the air like a dead fish on the shore of the ocean.

its very simple , actually , if a fish swims over a spot
of water then his presence wont be remembered...but if it
dies there and then the tide strands it...until its rotting
flesh is taken out to sea...the remains will be quite evident
in virtually every respect...so , then , if something profound
happens in the physical world...long after the incident
is over...the energy will remain...that is , until the spiritual
tide comes and takes it away.

the tide which refer to is the tide of love...only love
can erase the negative energy and replace it with divine
light...which is one of the reasons why people
and countries are doomed to repeat history...subconsciously...
they are captured by the past events of their land...doing
what is familiar to them on an inconspicuous level which
they dont even come close to understanding.

chapter 39

it was drunken supper time...all us travelers from around
the world would eat our pasta , chicken and such...there
were two young virile looking ladles sucking back their
hamburgers , talking about the village from which they came...apparently
everyone in this quaint little settlement discriminated
against outsiders...even to the point of making it so uncomfortable
for them that they would have to leave and find another
place to get screwed around in...i said that this was awful...they
replied that it was part of their culture and , therefore ,
reasonable.

my suspicion was that the real reason why these two ladies
found this type of behavior o.k. was because they weren't
the ones getting shafted by the locals...i was even convinced
that , if they were the ones being emotionally tortured
, their opinion would radically differ.

the problem with the human race is that the narcissism displayed
among almost all adolescents is never replaced with a more
mature and loving behavior of an adult...that is to say
, people virtually never seem to grow up and behold a world
where they are no longer the center...where other people
are just as important as they are.

the ''complete'' and loving human being is one that responds
to the next individual in a way that embraces and protects
their emotions...they are not simply there to meet giant
unfulfilled needs that have probably never been fully realized...there
aint no fucking games going on...people are seen as too
precious to be manipulated for any type of gratification.

i think the reason why we are all so nauseated by cannibalism
is because that is exactly what we all are on one level
or another...we may not eat the flesh of others...but we
gain power , reputation and even sexual release as a result
of their exploitation...most see others as existing for
their benefit...and the concept of being compassionate...
really embraced .

as usual...i ate and drank until i couldnt eat and drink
any more...then i took the remaining chicken and hid it
in the basement freezer...it was good chicken...and most
of it was eaten...just like most of our souls...by others
for some purpose that may not even be known to the consumers...and
if part of me is in your stomach...i hope i give you the
shits.

chapter 40

speaking of narcissism...the two young lads that i traveled
to this beautiful little town with , left to meet their
parents in switzerland...the parents were so glad that they
were traveling with a minister...probably because they knew
that nobody can drink like a clergyman...and , surely ,
i could give the kids a few good lessons on how to hold
ones booze .

personally , i believe that the reason why people dont heal
, mend and grow is because they dont want to...they are
more than happy to justify themselves and even blame others
for their immaturity and even retardation...specifically
in the west...where people have so much money , they can
cushion themselves from the brutality and the transparency
of raw human relationships .

imagine growing up in a situation where you cant turn on
the tele and , in doing so , avoid dealing with the other
members of your family...or sharing a bedroom with your
five brothers and three sisters...and , therefore , not
being able to hide the fact you are a compulsive masturbator...not
even being allowed to feel that what you are doing is unnatural...how
could you when both humor and a casual atmosphere are interjected
into the situation...imagine not having things to constantly
maintain...therefore , not being allowed to have excuses
for not loving your family properly .

did god give''the west''money to bless or curse us??? what
wealth has done is to allow us to actualize the perversions
within our hearts...giving them substance so we see what
actually is important to us.

it was the rich young man in the bible who refused to follow
jesus...he probably would have followed him if he hadnt
been wealthy...what could have been a wonderful gift , then
became a curse...separating him from the essence of love.

never look down on the poor...maybe god is blessing them...loving
them too much to even give them the chance to fuck life
up and throw away the eternal secret of joy and peace...shit
, at the very least...it is the poor that have the possibility
of relationship with each other...it is either that or watch
the cockroaches run across the floor all day...and that
has never entertained me for more that two or three hours
at a time.

chapter 41

it was also on the foothills of the alps that i met scott
and nicholle...two young yanks , engaged to be married...hardly
ever having sexual intercourse in public fountains...truly
of great moral character .

scott climbed cliffs for enjoyment...i would have rather
taken the stairs...but what the fuck...if i were to hurt
myself...all the more excuse to get all the more drunk in
the drunken party , come night fall...(though it seems
quite obvious that you really dont need an excuse to get
drunk at an event that refers to itself as the ''drunken
party '') .

climbing cliffs is a lot like life...the higher you get
, the longer down the fall...its so unfair , really...to
extend yourself and to deeply love in life means that you
are screwed if it does not work...and if you totally lose
yourself in another...you may very well get killed .
there is no rope to hold you in life...god may love you
but he sure as hell isnt offering any promises that love
will work out fine...i mean , jesus loved with the most
profound and intense love possible...and they hated him
for it...his reward was being crucified and publicly humiliated .

i really think that the resolution for the problem that
is before us has more to do with what we believe as humans
rather than in the actual events that can happen within
the context of real unabated passionate love, be it sexual
or otherwise...that is, it is just quite possible that our
sanity , our happiness and our place in society are not
nearly as important as the love we make with each other
, regardless of the end results...or , in other words...all
that really matters is love...all else ultimately , is
shit.

secondly , i believe that life is a profoundly subjective
experience...maybe the joy that a moment of true caring
can bring is far more enjoyable than silver and gold eternally...the
fact of the matter is that we dont even know if seventy
years on earth is the same among various individuals...maybe
suffering an entire life for the experience of one minute
of pure unblemished love is far more rich and, in fact ,
even longer than living for a thousand years in the florida
keys , with all the fried chicken and sex that you can eat...maybe
true love is such a transcending thing that all who have
embraced it will never feel empty inside...therefore making
their time on earth of eternal value in virtually all respects
beside the physical death that inevitably visits us all.

the problem with our perception of life and such is that
, if there is some type of spiritual world out there...we
are simply fucked in terms of having any ability to see
it...the physical eye sight that we possess is obviously
not adequate to see such things...we are , as jesus said ,
blind .

no one really knows what is going on in terms of love and
such things...most people believe , essentially , that love
is no more than getting a hard-on...they just wont admit
it using such terms...hence , the human race is retarded
regarding the knowledge of a universe consisting of things
that transcend emotions , intellect and physical properties .

trust me...there is shit that we dont understand...and it
all has this one thing in common...it is disguising its
self from us...in fact , this dimension is more mirrors
than any thing else...for some reason , we are to be hidden
from the real truth...it is sought after , however , by
those of a certain character...the kind who lust after eternity...the
kind who only drink imported beer...and though they dont
have sex in public fountains-its against the law-they certainly
would like to.

maybe there is a devil...frig , why not???if love can really
blow your fucking mind away for the rest of eternity...and
it is no more desired than the out takes from the second
album of the "village people"...then maybe , at the very least
, we should start considering possibilities beside those
that have been considered for ages...they dont seem to be
helping .

chapter 42

a few days after my cliff climbing episode , it was time
to leave all my newly discovered friends in chamonix and
make my way to lousanne , switzerland...where i was to do
some volunteer work for some over-the-top religious fanatics...it
makes perfectly good sense on one level...i mean , why live
in paradise when you can get publicly destroyed for masturbating
on your bunk bed??? i have had a hard life so far...and im going
to continue having one even if it kills me.

it was a beautiful day as the train pulled into the station
to take me away from scott and all the other pseudo-dingos
that i had grown to care for quite deeply over the last
few weeks...i cradled my beer and drove off into the sunset...like
jessie james...but a bit more drunk...and without a horse...and
i dont think he was a poet either...but i did have a bank
card...and thats sort of like robbing a bank...regardless
, it was just me , my cheese and my beer now...and the cheese
was almost gone...gone like the rest of us will soon be
gone.

this world is , indeed , ending...and it will end as the
spiritual universe breaks free from the dimension that it
is presently subject to and conquer all .

there is obviously a death wish within the hearts of most
of mankind...and their part in the evolutionary process
is to take this planet to the very point of where this desire
can be actualized...it is , in fact , like most of mankind ,
part of some giant computer...working to complete a program...unaware
that what he believes he is consciously doing for good...he
is really doing to fulfill the desire of his subconscious
mind .

you will know when the end is coming...there will be no
well known religious leaders , or otherwise , talking about
it...the only reason , in fact , that these fuckers talk
about the end now...and the same reason why others listen...is
because they have the luxury to do so...it doesnt make them
feel unsafe...because the nature of most people is to embrace
deceit...and , furthermore , on some levels they are aware
that the end is not upon us.

when the end comes...the only people who will have even
the slightest idea that it is coming...will be those no
one will listen to regardless of how much ability they have
to articulate themselves...this should be quite obvious...truth
seekers have never been popular in this world , or this universe...and
they never will be.

chapter 43

i got off the train in lousanne...and began to walk up a
steep hill to my somewhat ambiguous destination...for the
last week l had been having visions of seeing a boy killed
on a bicycle...i had been hoping that it was my imagination...it
wasnt.

as the car hit the teen , i turned to see him being thrust-ed
thru the air some twenty feet or so...i could almost see
my reflection in the pool of blood...he panted heavily like
a rabbit in a trap...just about to take his last breath...i
prayed and walked away...sure that the child was soon to
die.

i had spent the first eight years of my life being beaten
by my father...my brother disowned me when i became a follower
of jesus...the next time i was to see him was in a small
box...he had drowned...i have had over two dozen potentially
fatal afflictions...i once had a skin problem so profound
that , at times , i couldnt even identify myself...i have
had religious authorities attempt to brutally destroy my
life because i wouldnt adhere to their idiotic theology
and doctrines of manipulation and control...ive had two
nervous breakdowns...a four year depression...post dramatic
stress...a suicide attempt and a coinciding three day semi-coma...ive
had two failed engagements...and , worst of all
, ive been separated from those that i loved the most...fuck...should
i continue??? i mean , how am i to feel when someone is killed
in front of me??? i find the sadness of life so hard to deal
with since my depression...and that is why i traveled europe...to
replace the sadness with joy...and then i see i dying child
on the road side.

a human is no greater than what he has to overcome...i am
my experiences , and i will embrace life as much as i possibly
can...i remember a motorcycle accident that i had when i
was twenty five...flying through the air , i thought to
myself...”look , ma , i am flying ''.

in lousanne i began to date the secretary of the religious
compound where i was staying...i dont think they appreciated
that very much...so god told them to send me to where the
secretaries didn't have such nice tits...and i think that
god said something about the asses too...but i forget .
Posted by Flarmology.com 0 comments

chapter 44

two weeks into my exile to the place of titless secretaries...ill
refer to it as sagland...i began to make friends with a
horse on a nearby farm...every day he came closer and closer
to me...watching my every move...desiring to love me...yet
still being afraid...possibly because of some past hurt
regarding a neighborhood child...or , maybe , someone he
loved died...and he was never to fully recover .

it was a night in late august that it finally happened...he
reached his beautiful , soft , gentle nose over the wire
fence for me to embrace the moment and show him the love
that he so desperately needed...my hand touched in between
his soft , kind eyes...and my elbow hit the electric fence
at the same time...a bolt of lightning shot up into the
crisp and clear late night sky...the horse ran in one direction...i
in the exact opposite...we stopped and turned and looked
at each other at exactly the same time...'' i am so sorry
'', i said...being a horse he couldnt respond in the way
he so wanted to...but i knew that 1ook...'' fuck you “, was
clearly the message that i was receiving...( he didnt know
how to do the volcan mind melt...but he clearly perfected
the next best thing .)

it can take years to develop trust with someone...but it
can be destroyed in a moment...one unkind word and it can
be all over...what a concept.

being physical entities , it is effort to embrace what is
beautiful and real...the spiritual...it goes against our
nature...the lusts of the flesh , or what ever you want
to refer to it as...love , gentleness , trust, goodness
and such...we must tear apart the fabric of the physical
plain on which we live and reach into eternity to achieve
these things...and only then thru god himself compelling
us to can we truly reach the pure dynamic of love .

i lost my friend the horse because of something i couldnt
control...fuck...nobody can really control anything though...it
was the illusion of control that i lost...so the horse went
one way and i another...but sometimes farther and farther
is only our perception...maybe its really closer and closer...i
just cant see it from my profoundly limited perspective .

Posted by Flarmology.co

chapter 45

speaking of horses...eventually i took this young , beautiful
lady to the local pub for a feed of horse steak and a few
bottles of wine ...(the beautiful thing about eating an
animal is that you dont have to see it before it is butchered...nor
do you befriend it...nor does it speak english...so it cant
tell you how little it enjoys being eaten...maybe , even
, if each steak came with a picture of the animal dancing
in the field , playing with all the other little furry creatures...our
diets would change .)

half way into the date she began to tell me all about her
revelations from god...how she was to the place of unconditional
love , acceptance and forgiveness...that there was nothing
one could tell her about them that she couldnt accept...
eventually i decided to take her at her word...)i began to
tell her my deepest and darkest secrets...which were really
not very interesting , actually...she never talked to me
again.

for whatever reason i was feeling very self assured on that
particular night...there was a conference back at the religious
base where i was staying...coincidentally , their theme
of the night was transparency...i decided to dump the same
shit on them that i had dropped on my date only an hour
before...the only difference was that , this time , the steak
was being digested opposed to being eaten.

there is an expression that goes... "everyone wants to go
to heaven , no one wants to die''...i heard it in a movie
once...the same is true with acceptance...everyone wants
to be accepted...very few want to accept .

this dynamic begs us to ask the question...when people say
that they love you , do they mean that they , indeed , love
you ??? or do they mean that they love the way you are making
them feel about themselves at that particular moment in
time??? for most people life is simply about them...people
are , in fact , dehumanized to the extent that there importance
is only relative to what they can do for them.

the worst part is the bullshit...if people would just be
honest of their intentions...the narcissism wouldnt be so
poisonous...but , then again , what self centered person
sees themselves as such...alcoholics dont even see themselves
as alcoholics...even with physical evidence of their addiction
being cradled in their right hand

chapter 46

after a month of virtually non-eventful institutionalized
religion...it was time to go home...chamonix...where there
were broken people just like me...people who would admit
that having a tit in your mouth was at least as pleasurable
as prayer...people who would make an ass of themselves and
still be accepted...as there was no stupid jerked-off law
to be used as a weapon against them in weaker moments...my
only problem with the french alps was that they were so
perfect...and i...a sinner.

the proprietor took me down hill bicycling...and these were
really big fucking hills , baby...i left a trail of piss
as i went down the mountain at fifty miles an hour or so...not
bad for a minister , a nude model-i havent mentioned that
, have i-and a poet...and then we went back to the lodge
and smoked ourselves a couple of joints...the end of a perfect
day .

have you ever seen the french alps...not those fucking swiss
ones...stoned on grass??? i dont even like grass that much...but
i still consider the experience to be beyond what most people
experience in a life time...i embraced the moment like an
infant her mothers smile...i was alive...and after you have
had dozens of near death experiences...that begins to mean
more than you can possibly say.

the most beautiful thing about having an abusive childhood
is that , if you ever deal with all that shit...then suddenly
life has a whole new meaning...i can embrace life...because
i have embraced death in a way that most-i pray-never experience.

i was about to go back to canada...i knew that i may never
see these people again...so i loved them as much as i could
in the two days that i was there...fuck...all you can take
to heaven is the love you make here in retard land...so
be poor and stupid , if you so desire...but dont miss the
time to love...it is what life is all about...there is nothing
else!!!

my friends and i ate at my favorite italian diner...the
food was beautiful...the proprietor even allowed me to enter
with my own extremely huge beer...it was all so real and
wonderful...then my train arrived...and i was gone...yet
love is eternal...so my time in charmonix will , until the
end , send shock waves throughout the universe...in fact
, any act of love is larger that the universe...we believe
this is not so...because we believe lies.