a few days after my cliff climbing episode , it was time
to leave all my newly discovered friends in chamonix and
make my way to lousanne , switzerland...where i was to do
some volunteer work for some over-the-top religious fanatics...it
makes perfectly good sense on one level...i mean , why live
in paradise when you can get publicly destroyed for masturbating
on your bunk bed??? i have had a hard life so far...and im going
to continue having one even if it kills me.
it was a beautiful day as the train pulled into the station
to take me away from scott and all the other pseudo-dingos
that i had grown to care for quite deeply over the last
few weeks...i cradled my beer and drove off into the sunset...like
jessie james...but a bit more drunk...and without a horse...and
i dont think he was a poet either...but i did have a bank
card...and thats sort of like robbing a bank...regardless
, it was just me , my cheese and my beer now...and the cheese
was almost gone...gone like the rest of us will soon be
gone.
this world is , indeed , ending...and it will end as the
spiritual universe breaks free from the dimension that it
is presently subject to and conquer all .
there is obviously a death wish within the hearts of most
of mankind...and their part in the evolutionary process
is to take this planet to the very point of where this desire
can be actualized...it is , in fact , like most of mankind ,
part of some giant computer...working to complete a program...unaware
that what he believes he is consciously doing for good...he
is really doing to fulfill the desire of his subconscious
mind .
you will know when the end is coming...there will be no
well known religious leaders , or otherwise , talking about
it...the only reason , in fact , that these fuckers talk
about the end now...and the same reason why others listen...is
because they have the luxury to do so...it doesnt make them
feel unsafe...because the nature of most people is to embrace
deceit...and , furthermore , on some levels they are aware
that the end is not upon us.
when the end comes...the only people who will have even
the slightest idea that it is coming...will be those no
one will listen to regardless of how much ability they have
to articulate themselves...this should be quite obvious...truth
seekers have never been popular in this world , or this universe...and
they never will be.
Bastard Windows: Chapter Fourty-One
it was also on the foothills of the alps that i met scott
and nicholle...two young yanks , engaged to be married...hardly
ever having sexual intercourse in public fountains...truly
of great moral character .
scott climbed cliffs for enjoyment...i would have rather
taken the stairs...but what the fuck...if i were to hurt
myself...all the more excuse to get all the more drunk in
the drunken party , come night fall...(though it seems
quite obvious that you really dont need an excuse to get
drunk at an event that refers to itself as the ''drunken
party '') .
climbing cliffs is a lot like life...the higher you get
, the longer down the fall...its so unfair , really...to
extend yourself and to deeply love in life means that you
are screwed if it does not work...and if you totally lose
yourself in another...you may very well get killed .
there is no rope to hold you in life...god may love you
but he sure as hell isnt offering any promises that love
will work out fine...i mean , jesus loved with the most
profound and intense love possible...and they hated him
for it...his reward was being crucified and publicly humiliated .
i really think that the resolution for the problem that
is before us has more to do with what we believe as humans
rather than in the actual events that can happen within
the context of real unabated passionate love, be it sexual
or otherwise...that is, it is just quite possible that our
sanity , our happiness and our place in society are not
nearly as important as the love we make with each other
, regardless of the end results...or , in other words...all
that really matters is love...all else ultimately , is
shit.
secondly , i believe that life is a profoundly subjective
experience...maybe the joy that a moment of true caring
can bring is far more enjoyable than silver and gold eternally...the
fact of the matter is that we dont even know if seventy
years on earth is the same among various individuals...maybe
suffering an entire life for the experience of one minute
of pure unblemished love is far more rich and, in fact ,
even longer than living for a thousand years in the florida
keys , with all the fried chicken and sex that you can eat...maybe
true love is such a transcending thing that all who have
embraced it will never feel empty inside...therefore making
their time on earth of eternal value in virtually all respects
beside the physical death that inevitably visits us all.
the problem with our perception of life and such is that
, if there is some type of spiritual world out there...we
are simply fucked in terms of having any ability to see
it...the physical eye sight that we possess is obviously
not adequate to see such things...we are , as jesus said ,
blind .
no one really knows what is going on in terms of love and
such things...most people believe , essentially , that love
is no more than getting a hard-on...they just wont admit
it using such terms...hence , the human race is retarded
regarding the knowledge of a universe consisting of things
that transcend emotions , intellect and physical properties .
trust me...there is shit that we dont understand...and it
all has this one thing in common...it is disguising its
self from us...in fact , this dimension is more mirrors
than any thing else...for some reason , we are to be hidden
from the real truth...it is sought after , however , by
those of a certain character...the kind who lust after eternity...the
kind who only drink imported beer...and though they dont
have sex in public fountains-its against the law-they certainly
would like to.
maybe there is a devil...frig , why not???if love can really
blow your fucking mind away for the rest of eternity...and
it is no more desired than the out takes from the second
album of the "village people"...then maybe , at the very least
, we should start considering possibilities beside those
that have been considered for ages...they dont seem to be
helping .
and nicholle...two young yanks , engaged to be married...hardly
ever having sexual intercourse in public fountains...truly
of great moral character .
scott climbed cliffs for enjoyment...i would have rather
taken the stairs...but what the fuck...if i were to hurt
myself...all the more excuse to get all the more drunk in
the drunken party , come night fall...(though it seems
quite obvious that you really dont need an excuse to get
drunk at an event that refers to itself as the ''drunken
party '') .
climbing cliffs is a lot like life...the higher you get
, the longer down the fall...its so unfair , really...to
extend yourself and to deeply love in life means that you
are screwed if it does not work...and if you totally lose
yourself in another...you may very well get killed .
there is no rope to hold you in life...god may love you
but he sure as hell isnt offering any promises that love
will work out fine...i mean , jesus loved with the most
profound and intense love possible...and they hated him
for it...his reward was being crucified and publicly humiliated .
i really think that the resolution for the problem that
is before us has more to do with what we believe as humans
rather than in the actual events that can happen within
the context of real unabated passionate love, be it sexual
or otherwise...that is, it is just quite possible that our
sanity , our happiness and our place in society are not
nearly as important as the love we make with each other
, regardless of the end results...or , in other words...all
that really matters is love...all else ultimately , is
shit.
secondly , i believe that life is a profoundly subjective
experience...maybe the joy that a moment of true caring
can bring is far more enjoyable than silver and gold eternally...the
fact of the matter is that we dont even know if seventy
years on earth is the same among various individuals...maybe
suffering an entire life for the experience of one minute
of pure unblemished love is far more rich and, in fact ,
even longer than living for a thousand years in the florida
keys , with all the fried chicken and sex that you can eat...maybe
true love is such a transcending thing that all who have
embraced it will never feel empty inside...therefore making
their time on earth of eternal value in virtually all respects
beside the physical death that inevitably visits us all.
the problem with our perception of life and such is that
, if there is some type of spiritual world out there...we
are simply fucked in terms of having any ability to see
it...the physical eye sight that we possess is obviously
not adequate to see such things...we are , as jesus said ,
blind .
no one really knows what is going on in terms of love and
such things...most people believe , essentially , that love
is no more than getting a hard-on...they just wont admit
it using such terms...hence , the human race is retarded
regarding the knowledge of a universe consisting of things
that transcend emotions , intellect and physical properties .
trust me...there is shit that we dont understand...and it
all has this one thing in common...it is disguising its
self from us...in fact , this dimension is more mirrors
than any thing else...for some reason , we are to be hidden
from the real truth...it is sought after , however , by
those of a certain character...the kind who lust after eternity...the
kind who only drink imported beer...and though they dont
have sex in public fountains-its against the law-they certainly
would like to.
maybe there is a devil...frig , why not???if love can really
blow your fucking mind away for the rest of eternity...and
it is no more desired than the out takes from the second
album of the "village people"...then maybe , at the very least
, we should start considering possibilities beside those
that have been considered for ages...they dont seem to be
helping .
Bastard Windows: Chapter Fourty
speaking of narcissism...the two young lads that i traveled
to this beautiful little town with , left to meet their
parents in switzerland...the parents were so glad that they
were traveling with a minister...probably because they knew
that nobody can drink like a clergyman...and , surely ,
i could give the kids a few good lessons on how to hold
ones booze .
personally , i believe that the reason why people dont heal
, mend and grow is because they dont want to...they are
more than happy to justify themselves and even blame others
for their immaturity and even retardation...specifically
in the west...where people have so much money , they can
cushion themselves from the brutality and the transparency
of raw human relationships .
imagine growing up in a situation where you cant turn on
the tele and , in doing so , avoid dealing with the other
members of your family...or sharing a bedroom with your
five brothers and three sisters...and , therefore , not
being able to hide the fact you are a compulsive masturbator...not
even being allowed to feel that what you are doing is unnatural...how
could you when both humor and a casual atmosphere are interjected
into the situation...imagine not having things to constantly
maintain...therefore , not being allowed to have excuses
for not loving your family properly .
did god give''the west''money to bless or curse us??? what
wealth has done is to allow us to actualize the perversions
within our hearts...giving them substance so we see what
actually is important to us.
it was the rich young man in the bible who refused to follow
jesus...he probably would have followed him if he hadnt
been wealthy...what could have been a wonderful gift , then
became a curse...separating him from the essence of love.
never look down on the poor...maybe god is blessing them...loving
them too much to even give them the chance to fuck life
up and throw away the eternal secret of joy and peace...shit
, at the very least...it is the poor that have the possibility
of relationship with each other...it is either that or watch
the cockroaches run across the floor all day...and that
has never entertained me for more that two or three hours
at a time.
to this beautiful little town with , left to meet their
parents in switzerland...the parents were so glad that they
were traveling with a minister...probably because they knew
that nobody can drink like a clergyman...and , surely ,
i could give the kids a few good lessons on how to hold
ones booze .
personally , i believe that the reason why people dont heal
, mend and grow is because they dont want to...they are
more than happy to justify themselves and even blame others
for their immaturity and even retardation...specifically
in the west...where people have so much money , they can
cushion themselves from the brutality and the transparency
of raw human relationships .
imagine growing up in a situation where you cant turn on
the tele and , in doing so , avoid dealing with the other
members of your family...or sharing a bedroom with your
five brothers and three sisters...and , therefore , not
being able to hide the fact you are a compulsive masturbator...not
even being allowed to feel that what you are doing is unnatural...how
could you when both humor and a casual atmosphere are interjected
into the situation...imagine not having things to constantly
maintain...therefore , not being allowed to have excuses
for not loving your family properly .
did god give''the west''money to bless or curse us??? what
wealth has done is to allow us to actualize the perversions
within our hearts...giving them substance so we see what
actually is important to us.
it was the rich young man in the bible who refused to follow
jesus...he probably would have followed him if he hadnt
been wealthy...what could have been a wonderful gift , then
became a curse...separating him from the essence of love.
never look down on the poor...maybe god is blessing them...loving
them too much to even give them the chance to fuck life
up and throw away the eternal secret of joy and peace...shit
, at the very least...it is the poor that have the possibility
of relationship with each other...it is either that or watch
the cockroaches run across the floor all day...and that
has never entertained me for more that two or three hours
at a time.
Bastard Windows: Chapter Thirty-Nine
it was drunken supper time...all us travelers from around
the world would eat our pasta , chicken and such...there
were two young virile looking ladles sucking back their
hamburgers , talking about the village from which they came...apparently
everyone in this quaint little settlement discriminated
against outsiders...even to the point of making it so uncomfortable
for them that they would have to leave and find another
place to get screwed around in...i said that this was awful...they
replied that it was part of their culture and , therefore ,
reasonable.
my suspicion was that the real reason why these two ladies
found this type of behavior o.k. was because they weren't
the ones getting shafted by the locals...i was even convinced
that , if they were the ones being emotionally tortured
, their opinion would radically differ.
the problem with the human race is that the narcissism displayed
among almost all adolescents is never replaced with a more
mature and loving behavior of an adult...that is to say
, people virtually never seem to grow up and behold a world
where they are no longer the center...where other people
are just as important as they are.
the ''complete'' and loving human being is one that responds
to the next individual in a way that embraces and protects
their emotions...they are not simply there to meet giant
unfulfilled needs that have probably never been fully realized...there
aint no fucking games going on...people are seen as too
precious to be manipulated for any type of gratification.
i think the reason why we are all so nauseated by cannibalism
is because that is exactly what we all are on one level
or another...we may not eat the flesh of others...but we
gain power , reputation and even sexual release as a result
of their exploitation...most see others as existing for
their benefit...and the concept of being compassionate...
really embraced .
as usual...i ate and drank until i couldnt eat and drink
any more...then i took the remaining chicken and hid it
in the basement freezer...it was good chicken...and most
of it was eaten...just like most of our souls...by others
for some purpose that may not even be known to the consumers...and
if part of me is in your stomach...i hope i give you the
shits.
the world would eat our pasta , chicken and such...there
were two young virile looking ladles sucking back their
hamburgers , talking about the village from which they came...apparently
everyone in this quaint little settlement discriminated
against outsiders...even to the point of making it so uncomfortable
for them that they would have to leave and find another
place to get screwed around in...i said that this was awful...they
replied that it was part of their culture and , therefore ,
reasonable.
my suspicion was that the real reason why these two ladies
found this type of behavior o.k. was because they weren't
the ones getting shafted by the locals...i was even convinced
that , if they were the ones being emotionally tortured
, their opinion would radically differ.
the problem with the human race is that the narcissism displayed
among almost all adolescents is never replaced with a more
mature and loving behavior of an adult...that is to say
, people virtually never seem to grow up and behold a world
where they are no longer the center...where other people
are just as important as they are.
the ''complete'' and loving human being is one that responds
to the next individual in a way that embraces and protects
their emotions...they are not simply there to meet giant
unfulfilled needs that have probably never been fully realized...there
aint no fucking games going on...people are seen as too
precious to be manipulated for any type of gratification.
i think the reason why we are all so nauseated by cannibalism
is because that is exactly what we all are on one level
or another...we may not eat the flesh of others...but we
gain power , reputation and even sexual release as a result
of their exploitation...most see others as existing for
their benefit...and the concept of being compassionate...
really embraced .
as usual...i ate and drank until i couldnt eat and drink
any more...then i took the remaining chicken and hid it
in the basement freezer...it was good chicken...and most
of it was eaten...just like most of our souls...by others
for some purpose that may not even be known to the consumers...and
if part of me is in your stomach...i hope i give you the
shits.
Bastard Windows: Chapter Thirty-Eight
the owner of the place that i was the guest of... was a deeply
spiritual man who was open to strange possibilities that
are considered , for the most part , bizarre and impossible...and
as he talked about such matters i became increasingly eager
to demonstrate the simplicity of the supernatural.
i was taken on a tour throughout the lodge...and in every
room that i entered i disclosed the personalities of those
who had lived there a long time ago...the proprietor , knowing
full well the history of the place , confirmed my intuitions...not
that i had any real doubt about what i was revealing .
i find it even easier to do such things when i have been
drinking...when i am totally relaxed and beyond censoring
myself out of fear or intimidation...when my conscious is
very secondary to my subconscious.
the truth of the matter is that time is a relative concept...it
doesnt really exist except for the reason of giving us a
point of reference for where we are at a particular space
in the history of an inferior dimension...and , therefore
, it is somewhat easy to tap into what has previously happened
at a particular spot , especially if the incident had been
profound enough to leave its essence , or energy , circulating
in the air like a dead fish on the shore of the ocean.
its very simple , actually , if a fish swims over a spot
of water then his presence wont be remembered...but if it
dies there and then the tide strands it...until its rotting
flesh is taken out to sea...the remains will be quite evident
in virtually every respect...so , then , if something profound
happens in the physical world...long after the incident
is over...the energy will remain...that is , until the spiritual
tide comes and takes it away.
the tide which refer to is the tide of love...only love
can erase the negative energy and replace it with divine
light...which is one of the reasons why people
and countries are doomed to repeat history...subconsciously...
they are captured by the past events of their land...doing
what is familiar to them on an inconspicuous level which
they dont even come close to understanding.
spiritual man who was open to strange possibilities that
are considered , for the most part , bizarre and impossible...and
as he talked about such matters i became increasingly eager
to demonstrate the simplicity of the supernatural.
i was taken on a tour throughout the lodge...and in every
room that i entered i disclosed the personalities of those
who had lived there a long time ago...the proprietor , knowing
full well the history of the place , confirmed my intuitions...not
that i had any real doubt about what i was revealing .
i find it even easier to do such things when i have been
drinking...when i am totally relaxed and beyond censoring
myself out of fear or intimidation...when my conscious is
very secondary to my subconscious.
the truth of the matter is that time is a relative concept...it
doesnt really exist except for the reason of giving us a
point of reference for where we are at a particular space
in the history of an inferior dimension...and , therefore
, it is somewhat easy to tap into what has previously happened
at a particular spot , especially if the incident had been
profound enough to leave its essence , or energy , circulating
in the air like a dead fish on the shore of the ocean.
its very simple , actually , if a fish swims over a spot
of water then his presence wont be remembered...but if it
dies there and then the tide strands it...until its rotting
flesh is taken out to sea...the remains will be quite evident
in virtually every respect...so , then , if something profound
happens in the physical world...long after the incident
is over...the energy will remain...that is , until the spiritual
tide comes and takes it away.
the tide which refer to is the tide of love...only love
can erase the negative energy and replace it with divine
light...which is one of the reasons why people
and countries are doomed to repeat history...subconsciously...
they are captured by the past events of their land...doing
what is familiar to them on an inconspicuous level which
they dont even come close to understanding.
Bastard Windows: Chapter Thirty-Seven
i took the young lass to a bar called ''wild wallabys''...it
was a beautiful day...there was a dog that seemed to control
the joint...l couldnt remember his name...but i was sure
that it was not fuck-eyes.
i know the dogs name wasnt fuck-eyes because he didnt have
eyes that were fucked...that settled it...yet on the other
hand , one cannot help but to compare this to the state of
being human...that is , if a human has fucked eyes , you
really cant call him fuck-eyes , anyway...i mean , most
people have fucked eyes...so whats the point of calling
someone fuck-eyes , when he is really in the majority ;
and therefore his fuck-eyes are not a distinguishing factor.
the heart of a human being is seen through the eyes , i
believe...all the purity , kindness...and in most cases
, the pure , unadulterated witchcraft .
i once noticed how a man moved his hand...it was a very
distinct way...to me it meant that he committed adultery...i
was right...our heart thrusts itself through everything
that we are...thank the lord that virtually the entire frigging
human race is so caught up in itself that they couldnt see
all this if the lord himself came down from heaven and wrote
it on their TV. screen...people are just too self indulged
to see life on virtually any level.
people give themselves away , in terms of who they really
are , every second of the day...yet all others are so caught
up in saving themselves from being exposed that they cannot
see the truth that is so obvious before them...thank christ...they
would only use it for their own benefit...healing the world
is only what people desire to talk about...the truth of
the matter is that most have a very distinct agenda...(how
i hate that word)...and love at best is second to the fulfillment
of that declaration.
the girl brought her boyfriend...i let my ideas go immediately...we
sat and drank our booze...then it was time to go home and
drink our booze...on our way i bought and drank some booze.
was a beautiful day...there was a dog that seemed to control
the joint...l couldnt remember his name...but i was sure
that it was not fuck-eyes.
i know the dogs name wasnt fuck-eyes because he didnt have
eyes that were fucked...that settled it...yet on the other
hand , one cannot help but to compare this to the state of
being human...that is , if a human has fucked eyes , you
really cant call him fuck-eyes , anyway...i mean , most
people have fucked eyes...so whats the point of calling
someone fuck-eyes , when he is really in the majority ;
and therefore his fuck-eyes are not a distinguishing factor.
the heart of a human being is seen through the eyes , i
believe...all the purity , kindness...and in most cases
, the pure , unadulterated witchcraft .
i once noticed how a man moved his hand...it was a very
distinct way...to me it meant that he committed adultery...i
was right...our heart thrusts itself through everything
that we are...thank the lord that virtually the entire frigging
human race is so caught up in itself that they couldnt see
all this if the lord himself came down from heaven and wrote
it on their TV. screen...people are just too self indulged
to see life on virtually any level.
people give themselves away , in terms of who they really
are , every second of the day...yet all others are so caught
up in saving themselves from being exposed that they cannot
see the truth that is so obvious before them...thank christ...they
would only use it for their own benefit...healing the world
is only what people desire to talk about...the truth of
the matter is that most have a very distinct agenda...(how
i hate that word)...and love at best is second to the fulfillment
of that declaration.
the girl brought her boyfriend...i let my ideas go immediately...we
sat and drank our booze...then it was time to go home and
drink our booze...on our way i bought and drank some booze.
Bastard Windows: Chapter Thirty-Six
how do you celebrate being in the most beautiful place in
the world??? you get loaded , of course...and not just on
mouthwash...but green chartreuse...and if you celebrate
any other way...its because you have a small penis !!!
how do i describe this beautiful fluid without getting
rude??? heres how...its like spices and rum between a tender
and richly dark womans legs...with hash smoke breathing
out of her vagina...as you both soak in the bubble bath.
we sat around the table and drank until we could drink no
more...somewhere between low and high...our spirits twirled
down the french alps right into a herd of sleeping ducks...that
laughed as we tickled their feathers.
drinking is such an interesting thing...ones inhibitions
go down...ones penis goes up...and one feels a need to disclose
ones true identity...be it reasonable, ridiculous or evil.
i think that our need to drink is directly related to our
need to be real...to express our emotions and have them
accepted as part of who we are...yet we cannot believe that
this could actually happen under normal circumstances...so
we introduce two new variables...first , there is the ''i
was drunk" thing...the perfect excuse , we believe, for revealing
what is truly within...and secondly , we also give ourselves
an irrational mind that we can hide behind as the truth
is leaving our mouths...that is , we simply dont give a
fuck...we have the courage to be honest because we , for
a few hours , believe that there are no consequences to
our honesty .
it all points to a desperate need to have love , acceptance
and forgiveness as an essential part of our lives...to be
forgiven and to forgive...what a concept...something that
could potentially heal the world...a wonderful idea...that
never seems to happen...so we find something that will simulate
this dynamic...booze.
we drank through the day and into the night...we learned
much about each other , the boys and i...and then there
were others that joined us...one of which was a beautiful
young lass from england...her hair hanging down in front
of her breasts...but besides that...nothing pissed me off
about her...she was indeed amazing .
the world??? you get loaded , of course...and not just on
mouthwash...but green chartreuse...and if you celebrate
any other way...its because you have a small penis !!!
how do i describe this beautiful fluid without getting
rude??? heres how...its like spices and rum between a tender
and richly dark womans legs...with hash smoke breathing
out of her vagina...as you both soak in the bubble bath.
we sat around the table and drank until we could drink no
more...somewhere between low and high...our spirits twirled
down the french alps right into a herd of sleeping ducks...that
laughed as we tickled their feathers.
drinking is such an interesting thing...ones inhibitions
go down...ones penis goes up...and one feels a need to disclose
ones true identity...be it reasonable, ridiculous or evil.
i think that our need to drink is directly related to our
need to be real...to express our emotions and have them
accepted as part of who we are...yet we cannot believe that
this could actually happen under normal circumstances...so
we introduce two new variables...first , there is the ''i
was drunk" thing...the perfect excuse , we believe, for revealing
what is truly within...and secondly , we also give ourselves
an irrational mind that we can hide behind as the truth
is leaving our mouths...that is , we simply dont give a
fuck...we have the courage to be honest because we , for
a few hours , believe that there are no consequences to
our honesty .
it all points to a desperate need to have love , acceptance
and forgiveness as an essential part of our lives...to be
forgiven and to forgive...what a concept...something that
could potentially heal the world...a wonderful idea...that
never seems to happen...so we find something that will simulate
this dynamic...booze.
we drank through the day and into the night...we learned
much about each other , the boys and i...and then there
were others that joined us...one of which was a beautiful
young lass from england...her hair hanging down in front
of her breasts...but besides that...nothing pissed me off
about her...she was indeed amazing .
Bastard Windows: Chapter Thirty-Five
there is a vast cosmic truth behind buying someone a sandwich
that very few souls in the known universe are aware exists...that
is , once the sandwich is purchased there is potential power
and control happening between the giver and the recipient
of the object in question .
what if the kids saw me needy and weak...trying to buy their
affection for god knows what sort of reason??? what if they
felt in debt to me for the frigging bread and a strange
looking bun that these people seem to always put their lard
between???
the truth that is before us here is that most people really
dont believe in the overflowing transcending beauty of love...the
universe , instead , is seen as a power struggle...winning
affection...having something that another desires...even
having the ability to make another feel a certain way...which
is a very deceptive counterfeit to love...is what allows all
things to ebb and flow.
i could have told the little fuckers that i bought them
lunch to make myself feel good about myself...that would
have been a very plausible story...but , shit , it really
didnt matter...they were just kids...their hearts were not
aware that love is a very scarce commodity...more rare than
do-do birds...or even the homosexual version of big foot...love
is ,in fact , the most rare and precious of all things...as
jesus said :''a pearl of great price''
most people never learn how rare or how beautiful love is...they
either never really play ''the game''...or they never get
deep enough with even their spouses to see if the love and
acceptance is real or they arnt even looking for it in
the first place...just stimulation and good feelings , sexual
or otherwise...fuck , maybe they are just too stupid to
look back at their own personal history to see how things
fell apart over the course of a life time .
regardless , one wonder where sandwiches go sometimes...i
mean , besides the shit house and then back to the sea...strangely
enough...they werent even very good sandwiches.
that very few souls in the known universe are aware exists...that
is , once the sandwich is purchased there is potential power
and control happening between the giver and the recipient
of the object in question .
what if the kids saw me needy and weak...trying to buy their
affection for god knows what sort of reason??? what if they
felt in debt to me for the frigging bread and a strange
looking bun that these people seem to always put their lard
between???
the truth that is before us here is that most people really
dont believe in the overflowing transcending beauty of love...the
universe , instead , is seen as a power struggle...winning
affection...having something that another desires...even
having the ability to make another feel a certain way...which
is a very deceptive counterfeit to love...is what allows all
things to ebb and flow.
i could have told the little fuckers that i bought them
lunch to make myself feel good about myself...that would
have been a very plausible story...but , shit , it really
didnt matter...they were just kids...their hearts were not
aware that love is a very scarce commodity...more rare than
do-do birds...or even the homosexual version of big foot...love
is ,in fact , the most rare and precious of all things...as
jesus said :''a pearl of great price''
most people never learn how rare or how beautiful love is...they
either never really play ''the game''...or they never get
deep enough with even their spouses to see if the love and
acceptance is real or they arnt even looking for it in
the first place...just stimulation and good feelings , sexual
or otherwise...fuck , maybe they are just too stupid to
look back at their own personal history to see how things
fell apart over the course of a life time .
regardless , one wonder where sandwiches go sometimes...i
mean , besides the shit house and then back to the sea...strangely
enough...they werent even very good sandwiches.
Bastard Windows: Chapter Thirty-Four
the train eventually stopped at some medium sized down that
moses never visited...probably because there was no sea
to part...once you get good at a trick like that...you really
want to exploit it...shit...the men may have gotten excited
and self righteous...but the ladies would have been horny
and wet...think about it...it is within the nature of most
women to want to be protected...but to be supernaturally
protected...this is a state of being that very few could
ever resist.
what moses did was wonderful...yet the aftermath was never
discussed in the bible...that is,everyones wife wanting
to fuck moses...are you offended??? fuck you!!! if you know
anything about the history of israel...you are quite aware
that possibly the main issue that the lord , god , all mighty had
with these bastards was that they perpetually felt a need
to have their children butchered to foreign gods...slaughtered
, even...yet the reaction that one has to these people desiring
to screw their protector , unless i miscalculated , is one
of disdain and horror .
the caveman who got the best woman was not the one with
the biggest cock...nor was he the best looking...and he
sure as shit wasnt the most beautiful deep within...he was
the fucker who could slay the biggest mother fucking dinosaur
in the entire valley...and so it still is today...like it
or not.
the spirit within is easily disregarded...so it is , once
again , the desires of the flesh that rule virtually every
one of us...and they dictate to us that we need security...so
poets alike myself , who were completely abused as children...are
overlooked in terms of being mates by the rational members
of the female species...they look for ''the biggest club
'' instead .
ironically , in later life...people change their priorities...sometimes
because of a type of spiritual awakening...sometimes because
they simple become aware that the big club was beaten against
them as often as it was beaten against the dinosaurs head...that
is to say...time teaches those who want to learn...some
big fucking lessons .
in this small but beautiful town...i ran to the corner store
as fast as i could to buy the kids each a sandwich...i was
not their protector...i could not and cant even protect
myself...i just wanted to buy them something to eat...they
were wonderful kids .
moses never visited...probably because there was no sea
to part...once you get good at a trick like that...you really
want to exploit it...shit...the men may have gotten excited
and self righteous...but the ladies would have been horny
and wet...think about it...it is within the nature of most
women to want to be protected...but to be supernaturally
protected...this is a state of being that very few could
ever resist.
what moses did was wonderful...yet the aftermath was never
discussed in the bible...that is,everyones wife wanting
to fuck moses...are you offended??? fuck you!!! if you know
anything about the history of israel...you are quite aware
that possibly the main issue that the lord , god , all mighty had
with these bastards was that they perpetually felt a need
to have their children butchered to foreign gods...slaughtered
, even...yet the reaction that one has to these people desiring
to screw their protector , unless i miscalculated , is one
of disdain and horror .
the caveman who got the best woman was not the one with
the biggest cock...nor was he the best looking...and he
sure as shit wasnt the most beautiful deep within...he was
the fucker who could slay the biggest mother fucking dinosaur
in the entire valley...and so it still is today...like it
or not.
the spirit within is easily disregarded...so it is , once
again , the desires of the flesh that rule virtually every
one of us...and they dictate to us that we need security...so
poets alike myself , who were completely abused as children...are
overlooked in terms of being mates by the rational members
of the female species...they look for ''the biggest club
'' instead .
ironically , in later life...people change their priorities...sometimes
because of a type of spiritual awakening...sometimes because
they simple become aware that the big club was beaten against
them as often as it was beaten against the dinosaurs head...that
is to say...time teaches those who want to learn...some
big fucking lessons .
in this small but beautiful town...i ran to the corner store
as fast as i could to buy the kids each a sandwich...i was
not their protector...i could not and cant even protect
myself...i just wanted to buy them something to eat...they
were wonderful kids .
Bastard Windows: Chapter Thirty-Three
my assessment of the teenage world is that each and every
one of them believes that they know some cosmic truth that
their parents know absolutely nothing about...as a result
, they feel obliged to make up their own set of rules...hardly
even taking into consideration the mind set of those who
have gone before them .
strangely enough , i feel that they have a point...that
is , at this stage of life...children are awakened to the
possibility of what life could be...hence , the frustration
of seeing a world that has obviously gone wrong.
what the dumb fuckers dont realize , however , is that their
parents were in the exact same place twenty or thirty years
before...they saw truth in front of their faces...and explored
it..right until the time , at age sixteen , or whatever...that
they became profoundly aware that following such a desire...was
frigging difficult..and it would cost .
the sad truth is that most kids begin to fold emotionally
right after their first lover turns out to be an ass hole...they
dont even come close to lasting until they learn that one
cannot be honest and integral in the office place and expect
to get anywhere...people have an allergic reaction to pain...and
we have a lust for pleasure...accompanied with a deep seeded
belief that life should be relatively easy...and that anything
hard isn't worth while.
essentially , the concept here is referred to as lusts of
the flesh...the looking for pleasure at the expense of higher
truths...it is , in fact , idolatry...as what is pure ,
beautiful and right...are no longer the most important things
in the universe...according to the owner of this mind set...self
gratification is the one true god...and anything in the
way must be dealt with regardless of the end result.
one of them believes that they know some cosmic truth that
their parents know absolutely nothing about...as a result
, they feel obliged to make up their own set of rules...hardly
even taking into consideration the mind set of those who
have gone before them .
strangely enough , i feel that they have a point...that
is , at this stage of life...children are awakened to the
possibility of what life could be...hence , the frustration
of seeing a world that has obviously gone wrong.
what the dumb fuckers dont realize , however , is that their
parents were in the exact same place twenty or thirty years
before...they saw truth in front of their faces...and explored
it..right until the time , at age sixteen , or whatever...that
they became profoundly aware that following such a desire...was
frigging difficult..and it would cost .
the sad truth is that most kids begin to fold emotionally
right after their first lover turns out to be an ass hole...they
dont even come close to lasting until they learn that one
cannot be honest and integral in the office place and expect
to get anywhere...people have an allergic reaction to pain...and
we have a lust for pleasure...accompanied with a deep seeded
belief that life should be relatively easy...and that anything
hard isn't worth while.
essentially , the concept here is referred to as lusts of
the flesh...the looking for pleasure at the expense of higher
truths...it is , in fact , idolatry...as what is pure ,
beautiful and right...are no longer the most important things
in the universe...according to the owner of this mind set...self
gratification is the one true god...and anything in the
way must be dealt with regardless of the end result.
Bastard Windows: Chapter Thirty-Two
the strangest thing about my discovery of the nude beach...was
not that i saw a man that looked just like elton john...but
that sir elton actually lived only a few miles down the
road...and , in fact ,a friend of mine had seen him in the
airport a few days before this experience...could it be??? no
, impossible...and , besides , elton could afford a better
cock than this guy...i couldnt help but stare at this fellow...maybe
if he hadnt been completely naked...i would have been more
comfortable conversing with him .
the nude beach was actually a minor let down...i thought
that these people would be naked as a metaphoric expression
for wanting to be transparent and real with each other..not
even close...they weren't as repressed and anal as what one
confronts in the average evangelical church...but learning
to love and accept and be free was not the motivation for
most of them being in this particular state .
there are many ways to be religious...pretending one is
ethically and spiritually superior to another is most often
the objective...that is , your way is better than another
way...but there are as many paths to achieve this as there
are people in the world.
i remember sitting in church thinking that all of the people
shared the same belief structure...it was bull shit...get
them drunk enough...honest enough...and the discovery is
that there are more differences than similarities...only
the surface beliefs are the same...and , quite often , only
because people are afraid of being found out to be committing
blasphemy.
this was just another religion , for the most part...if
you kept your bathing suit on...then you were shunned by
those who were naked...they had made their own set of arbitrary
standards that had to be lived up to...god is love , acceptance
and forgiveness...and how we run away from this truth...in
so many different directions.
not that i saw a man that looked just like elton john...but
that sir elton actually lived only a few miles down the
road...and , in fact ,a friend of mine had seen him in the
airport a few days before this experience...could it be??? no
, impossible...and , besides , elton could afford a better
cock than this guy...i couldnt help but stare at this fellow...maybe
if he hadnt been completely naked...i would have been more
comfortable conversing with him .
the nude beach was actually a minor let down...i thought
that these people would be naked as a metaphoric expression
for wanting to be transparent and real with each other..not
even close...they weren't as repressed and anal as what one
confronts in the average evangelical church...but learning
to love and accept and be free was not the motivation for
most of them being in this particular state .
there are many ways to be religious...pretending one is
ethically and spiritually superior to another is most often
the objective...that is , your way is better than another
way...but there are as many paths to achieve this as there
are people in the world.
i remember sitting in church thinking that all of the people
shared the same belief structure...it was bull shit...get
them drunk enough...honest enough...and the discovery is
that there are more differences than similarities...only
the surface beliefs are the same...and , quite often , only
because people are afraid of being found out to be committing
blasphemy.
this was just another religion , for the most part...if
you kept your bathing suit on...then you were shunned by
those who were naked...they had made their own set of arbitrary
standards that had to be lived up to...god is love , acceptance
and forgiveness...and how we run away from this truth...in
so many different directions.
Bastard Windows: Chapter Thirty-One
it was night time again...the rum was cheap...perfect...the
sun was setting over the sea as the liquid began to wrap
around my tongue like a babies arms around her blanket...there
were lawyers at the table...beautiful , lush ,well plucked
lawyers...i could picture the one on the left fondling her
breasts behind her law book...there was a question that
i had always wanted to ask a lawyer...now was my chance...''
if space men came down to our planet with really big friggin
guns...the kind that could melt brains...would they still
be subject to our laws ?''
there is only one true law , actually...and that is love...if
we do this one simple thing then nothing else matters...we
are at one with god and each other .
what religion and , in fact , people as a whole dont seem
to understand is that law is a man made device...that reeks
with our sinful desires to control and manipulate and to
perceive ourselves as better than others...law is an evil
thing...and will be twisted to meet the needs of those who
have the power to put it in place and facilitate it.
the bible says that a woman who commits adultery should
be stoned to death...well , guess who does the stoning??? possibly
the same prick that she screwed in the first place...we
are also in deep shit if we mix two types of material...in
other words...i could go to hell for wearing my underwear.
i find it interesting that fundamentalist christians condemn
homosexuality because of some abstract references in the
old testament...they dont realize that they are entering
a world of mens perverted notion of gods character...the
perception of god through a vengeful and self-righteous
heart...using gods name for their own benefits...slandering
him along the way .
they also dont realize that once one steps outside of living
a life of simply embracing gods mercy...then
we have to be perfect...that is , keeping all parts of the
law in order to sustain ourselves and our identity.
this is not a heaven or hell thing...we will , however ,
judge ourselves in the way we judge others...and give ourselves
mercy if we choose to give mercy to others...this takes
place some where in our souls...a psychological pattern
we develop...that we will either live or die by .
sun was setting over the sea as the liquid began to wrap
around my tongue like a babies arms around her blanket...there
were lawyers at the table...beautiful , lush ,well plucked
lawyers...i could picture the one on the left fondling her
breasts behind her law book...there was a question that
i had always wanted to ask a lawyer...now was my chance...''
if space men came down to our planet with really big friggin
guns...the kind that could melt brains...would they still
be subject to our laws ?''
there is only one true law , actually...and that is love...if
we do this one simple thing then nothing else matters...we
are at one with god and each other .
what religion and , in fact , people as a whole dont seem
to understand is that law is a man made device...that reeks
with our sinful desires to control and manipulate and to
perceive ourselves as better than others...law is an evil
thing...and will be twisted to meet the needs of those who
have the power to put it in place and facilitate it.
the bible says that a woman who commits adultery should
be stoned to death...well , guess who does the stoning??? possibly
the same prick that she screwed in the first place...we
are also in deep shit if we mix two types of material...in
other words...i could go to hell for wearing my underwear.
i find it interesting that fundamentalist christians condemn
homosexuality because of some abstract references in the
old testament...they dont realize that they are entering
a world of mens perverted notion of gods character...the
perception of god through a vengeful and self-righteous
heart...using gods name for their own benefits...slandering
him along the way .
they also dont realize that once one steps outside of living
a life of simply embracing gods mercy...then
we have to be perfect...that is , keeping all parts of the
law in order to sustain ourselves and our identity.
this is not a heaven or hell thing...we will , however ,
judge ourselves in the way we judge others...and give ourselves
mercy if we choose to give mercy to others...this takes
place some where in our souls...a psychological pattern
we develop...that we will either live or die by .
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