there i was on a hill... licking the sky like a calf ,
her mothers dancing communist tit...minding my own business...getting
drunk with the carpenters...when , for some reason , i began
to stare at the toaster...wondering if it could make toast
light , dark and in between... wanting to take a closer
look at this wonderful appliance...! picked it up with my
left hand and began to fondle it with the other...slowly
at first...then faster and faster...then i looked behind
it for a brief second...just to check out the plug...and
there it was...a human bone...it was a nice looking bone...i
dont want to give you the wrong impression...but i couldnt
help but wonder what it was doing behind a toaster...was
it for stirring soup??? for beating a drum??? one of the carpenters
identified it as a female human bone...maybe the murderer
only killed girls...i would have to stop wearing my dress
, i thought...i had another thought as well...lets get the
fuck out of here!!!
the road to freedom began the next day and took about three
or four hours...the two carpenters...who became both good
friends and drinking buddies-there is a difference-drove
me back to the place that i began my trek...not my mothers
womb but the other place...a street with cars going back
and forth and the occasional flashing lights...probably
just to remind me of home...i was away from the porous cobble
stones cradled by upheaved rock couched by brilliantly patient
hands and designed into homes where people hugged ... screwed
and ate really fine pasta...such wonderful people a i concluded...but
now i was free .
in my freedom , i lost all the structure that gave me stability
in a place where i really didn't have any...i was free indeed...horrible
, horrible freedom...which made me both confused and very
confused..and what do we do when we get what we long for and
find out it has nothing in common with what we need??? project all our neurosis
upon someone else so we , once again , can simulate some sort of
self worth...the truth is that i was afraid..and not
wanting to own those feelings...i felt the need to be pissed
off at others .
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