chapter 40

speaking of narcissism...the two young lads that i traveled
to this beautiful little town with , left to meet their
parents in switzerland...the parents were so glad that they
were traveling with a minister...probably because they knew
that nobody can drink like a clergyman...and , surely ,
i could give the kids a few good lessons on how to hold
ones booze .

personally , i believe that the reason why people dont heal
, mend and grow is because they dont want to...they are
more than happy to justify themselves and even blame others
for their immaturity and even retardation...specifically
in the west...where people have so much money , they can
cushion themselves from the brutality and the transparency
of raw human relationships .

imagine growing up in a situation where you cant turn on
the tele and , in doing so , avoid dealing with the other
members of your family...or sharing a bedroom with your
five brothers and three sisters...and , therefore , not
being able to hide the fact you are a compulsive masturbator...not
even being allowed to feel that what you are doing is unnatural...how
could you when both humor and a casual atmosphere are interjected
into the situation...imagine not having things to constantly
maintain...therefore , not being allowed to have excuses
for not loving your family properly .

did god give''the west''money to bless or curse us??? what
wealth has done is to allow us to actualize the perversions
within our hearts...giving them substance so we see what
actually is important to us.

it was the rich young man in the bible who refused to follow
jesus...he probably would have followed him if he hadnt
been wealthy...what could have been a wonderful gift , then
became a curse...separating him from the essence of love.

never look down on the poor...maybe god is blessing them...loving
them too much to even give them the chance to fuck life
up and throw away the eternal secret of joy and peace...shit
, at the very least...it is the poor that have the possibility
of relationship with each other...it is either that or watch
the cockroaches run across the floor all day...and that
has never entertained me for more that two or three hours
at a time.