chapter 16

as we meandered down the streets of san sabastian...we realized
that something was very wrong...it was difficult to discern
at first , but as the day licked its way into the noon hour
, froggy finally figured it out...it was salami and wine
time...(whenever i think of salami , i think of sex...my
first girlfriend would always eat german salami and cheap
cheese as she fidgeted with my nuts...i still dont know
why).

an old spanish blue hair troll-troll means dignified woman
in spanish-caressed her poodle on the park bench as we chewed
, drank and swallowed our noon time meal...i thought to
myself that she was rich...and maybe she would desire me
as her love slave...i could pretend that i was the poodle
and she could reward me with wine and cheese every day...i
could even learn how to crow like a poodle .

the problem with desire is that , if one truly desire something
enough , then there is a very good chance that one will
eventually get what one desires...this would be wonderful...yet
i have never met a human who actually knew what was good
for them...they function in life being consumed by two kinds
of grief...the grief of getting what one desires...and the
grief of not getting what one desires...both lead us to
emptiness...and , worse , attempting to perpetuate this
neurosis by filling ones self with more and more of the
same...around the mountain...like moses and his gang of
sluts throughout the wilderness...being driven by lust and
the quest to satisfy the lower nature...they were unable
to perceive the direction of their true salvation.

it is the spirit that knows all...whereas our mind and feelings
play tricks with the rest of our being...changing our goals
and our needs as the occasion deems fit...the spirit within
can actually hear from the spirit of god...guiding us into
a direction of truth and love and peace...leading us through
wonderful experiences along the way...experiences that we
were actually deemed to have had since the creation of the
universe...all necessary in terms of becoming fully and
completely human.

ultimately... it is love that must be lusted after...the
true healing thing in all circumstances...all else is a
deviation away from the ''true path''...love will never fail...it
will guide... protect and give what is needed...opposed to
what is believed to be needed.