chapter 27

walking on the topless beach...i noticed...tits...strange...i
kept on feeling somewhat compelled to compliment the ladies on their firmness , tenderness and even tan...yet
i was aware that this would have been a bad idea...in fact, i
felt that i wasnt supposed to even notice.

lets get it straight...if you go to a topless beach , then
people will notice your breasts...even if they swing in
the wind , or hang down to your knees...frig...especially
if they hang down to your knees.

it is not just the alcoholic that lives in denial...in fact
, everyone of us is there to one extent or another...choosing
to believe what we want to believe...truth fades into obscurity
and is feared any time it even attempts to come into the
general direction of the one who is disregarding it...
one of the few common denominators of virtually all of mankind
is that there is a feeling of fear and disdain for what
makes them feel uncomfortable...therefore the world of most
individuals consists of a series of avoidances of particular
truths that upset the particular individual.

in rich countries it is far worse...as money and even entertainment
can bring avoidance to a whole new level..the desire to
escape from reality that is birthed in the heart is made
manifest by means of buying , drugging or even hiding in
front of a movie screen...it is not a coincidence that entertainment
is a multi-billion dollar industry...the average person
watches three hours of TV. a day...even teenagers feel
compelled to masturbate while being visually stimulated...terrified
of their own thoughts to the extent that they must be replaced
by the images presented by others...sick fuckers for the
most part .

personally , if i am going to screw my life up...i would
like to do it myself...i will face my pain then run away
from it if i cant deal with it appropriately...yet it will
be mine...i will embrace it and discover its meaning...i
will attempt to deal with it...and if i cant...at least
i will know what is going on inside of me...and , over the
course of time , maybe there will be some progress made...maybe
not .

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