Bastard Windows: Chapter Fourty-Six

after a month of virtually non-eventful institutionalized
religion...it was time to go home...chamonix...where there
were broken people just like me...people who would admit
that having a tit in your mouth was at least as pleasurable
as prayer...people who would make an ass of themselves and
still be accepted...as there was no stupid jerked-off law
to be used as a weapon against them in weaker moments...my
only problem with the french alps was that they were so
perfect...and i...a sinner.

the proprietor took me down hill bicycling...and these were
really big fucking hills , baby...i left a trail of piss
as i went down the mountain at fifty miles an hour or so...not
bad for a minister , a nude model-i havent mentioned that
, have i-and a poet...and then we went back to the lodge
and smoked ourselves a couple of joints...the end of a perfect
day .

have you ever seen the french alps...not those fucking swiss
ones...stoned on grass??? i dont even like grass that much...but
i still consider the experience to be beyond what most people
experience in a life time...i embraced the moment like an
infant her mothers smile...i was alive...and after you have
had dozens of near death experiences...that begins to mean
more than you can possibly say.

the most beautiful thing about having an abusive childhood
is that , if you ever deal with all that shit...then suddenly
life has a whole new meaning...i can embrace life...because
i have embraced death in a way that most-i pray-never experience.

i was about to go back to canada...i knew that i may never
see these people again...so i loved them as much as i could
in the two days that i was there...fuck...all you can take
to heaven is the love you make here in retard land...so
be poor and stupid , if you so desire...but dont miss the
time to love...it is what life is all about...there is nothing
else!!!

my friends and i ate at my favorite italian diner...the
food was beautiful...the proprietor even allowed me to enter
with my own extremely huge beer...it was all so real and
wonderful...then my train arrived...and i was gone...yet
love is eternal...so my time in charmonix will , until the
end , send shock waves throughout the universe...in fact
, any act of love is larger that the universe...we believe
this is not so...because we believe lies.

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