Bastard Windows: Chapter Fourty-Eight

it was the last supper , so to speak , before my train left
this wonderful place and took me back to the airport...the
wine , the meal , my wonderful female companion...i couldnt
help but feel why would such an imperfect person have such
a perfect night.

at ten to twelve we were at the train station...our lips
met and joined like two states of the U.S.S.R...before everything
went to shit...i fondled one breast and licked the other
as the train thrusted itself into the station...reminding
me of very similar thoughts that i had in the back and front of
my mind...we kissed and said good-by .

you begin to think of a hell of a lot of things as you see
your life pass before your eyes...and it doesnt have to
be a literal thing...leaving your beloved home for the last
ninety nine days is as close to death as you have to experience
, actually...fuck...i loved almost everyone that a met more
than i could possibly say...this was life...fully and completely.

i have discovered that it is easy to love people very intensely...as
long as you dont get to know them very well...and this is
not a criticism of the human race...it is just an observation
of the limitations that most people place upon themselves...for
example...the young lady who i was loving during the last
few days of my stay in europe...she had a beautiful heart and
she also had never grown up...to live with her would have
been self-destructive.

a priest who spent most of his fifty years of priesthood
was asked what he has learned about people...he replied
...”two things...people are very unhappy with their lives
...and that they dont grow up'' .

most people dont ever even reach puberty , on an emotional
level...so they dont know the joy of love...they cant...how
in the fuck can they when they think that relationships
are all about what they can get for themselves??? i am quite
the asshole in many respects...but i have grown up and
am loving people who have had the same accomplishment...it
is more wonderful than words can say...a person that can
truly love...can live more in one day than most could ever
in a thousand years...literally .