two weeks into my exile to the place of titless secretaries...ill
refer to it as sagland...i began to make friends with a
horse on a nearby farm...every day he came closer and closer
to me...watching my every move...desiring to love me...yet
still being afraid...possibly because of some past hurt
regarding a neighborhood child...or , maybe , someone he
loved died...and he was never to fully recover .
it was a night in late august that it finally happened...he
reached his beautiful , soft , gentle nose over the wire
fence for me to embrace the moment and show him the love
that he so desperately needed...my hand touched in between
his soft , kind eyes...and my elbow hit the electric fence
at the same time...a bolt of lightning shot up into the
crisp and clear late night sky...the horse ran in one direction...i
in the exact opposite...we stopped and turned and looked
at each other at exactly the same time...'' i am so sorry
'', i said...being a horse he couldnt respond in the way
he so wanted to...but i knew that 1ook...'' fuck you “, was
clearly the message that i was receiving...( he didnt know
how to do the volcan mind melt...but he clearly perfected
the next best thing .)
it can take years to develop trust with someone...but it
can be destroyed in a moment...one unkind word and it can
be all over...what a concept.
being physical entities , it is effort to embrace what is
beautiful and real...the spiritual...it goes against our
nature...the lusts of the flesh , or what ever you want
to refer to it as...love , gentleness , trust, goodness
and such...we must tear apart the fabric of the physical
plain on which we live and reach into eternity to achieve
these things...and only then thru god himself compelling
us to can we truly reach the pure dynamic of love .
i lost my friend the horse because of something i couldnt
control...fuck...nobody can really control anything though...it
was the illusion of control that i lost...so the horse went
one way and i another...but sometimes farther and farther
is only our perception...maybe its really closer and closer...i
just cant see it from my profoundly limited perspective .
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