chapter 5

in a small town in northern italy i was hired to teach english
for the summer...i met my employer and then quit my job...i
didnt trust him...i had a bad feeling...who can have power
and not abuse it??? certainly not elfucko...elfucko-the name
by which i affectionately refer to him as-was going to abuse
his power...and i knew it.

power is basically the ability to get what one desires in
life...the actualization of the state of the inner man...when
one acquires power one is soon to have manifest the horrific
nightmare that is inside the hearts of most of us...only
with great effort is one able to resolve this inner darkness
to the place where it will no longer physically manifest
itself if given the opportunity.

the buddha teaches us that desire is evil and that we therefore
must not desire because it leads us into all sorts of shit...power
then is essentially being pulled in the exact opposite direction...making
opportunity for self satisfaction to be virtually impossible
to embrace...where there is power you will virtually always
find money and sex...and much of it...maybe this is simply
gods curse...being so fed up with people that he gives them
over to the perversions that they long for...allowing them
in turn to destroy their relationships and every thing else
...allowing only the appearance of wealth to
remain...maybe , save a miracle , there is inevitably an
inverted equation between the appearance of ones life and
the pain that is within...regardless if one is or is not
in touch with that pain.

after telling elfucko that i wouldnt work for him for the
next three months...he breathed a sigh of relief and toasted
me as we drank the night away along with the other employees
of his program on the italian riviera...now i could drink
as much as i wanted and not be worried about being watched...the
wine was dry and my inhibitions were washed like the waves
over the naked bodies just a few miles down the coast...like
breasts being casually taken by the current...my mind and
body and words were now free the experience and experiment...a
beautiful irish girl sat before me...her hair wrapped around
the brown long bottle of medium-dry...in very much the same
way i desired to place my fingers around her face...within
an hour i said to her : "if i ever get the guts to fall
in love again...i hope she is someone just like you".